xylia

[canterrain]

Ok, no big huge archive.

In fact.. this may be my only poem post. Simply cause Barb doesn't want whole anthologies of work here.. and I admittedly -was- growing a bit of one back on the old forums.

This is. A very unfinished poem. I thought it might be interesting to see in what is still a formation stage. As I gather the various thoughts.. and try to put them in an order I like.. and make room for more thoughts. I'll try to post an end version too when I have it. So you can see kind of.. where it went. Feel free to comment, keeping in mind, where it feels jarred and broken, or maybe even repetative, is probably simply where I plan to add more/delete that repeat and put something else in there/etc.

Crisis

Why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe you
When I believe in you

Why cant I let go
Of this stone heart
It's more than just deciding
To make you my God

No one said faith was easy,
But this faith tears me apart
Your blood may clean my sins
But I still feel these scars

Why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe you
When I believe in you

Why do I ignore your voice
When I hear you speak
Why do I feel alone
When your hand is on me

And just why can't I lean
When I know you'd catch
Or close my eyes
When I know you see me

Why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe you
When I believe in you



Oh God how can I have David's strength...
When my Goliath is me?

[BarbJacobs]

This poem is very meaningful to me. Thank you for sharing it.

As far as big huge archives- yours on the Tally forum was not huge at all. I'm talking about entire 800 page novels on the forum, not several poem posts. I don't even mind if people post chapters of their books, but when people post the entire thing, it actually isnt doing THEM any good. They should be getting their OWN site for it. To get more traffic.

~B

[canterrain]

An update.. and perhaps finished version of the poem. Some words were changed.. that may even change what the meaning was going for. And I think midway through the direction sort of change. I write from the hearth though. And I let it lead me where I feel it going. If that makes sense. Song like feel in the end.. I can hear the melody in fact. Comments and questions are welcome!

Crisis

Why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe you
When I believe in you

Why cant I let go
Of this stone heart
It's more than just deciding
To make you my God

No one said faith was easy,
But this faith tears me apart
Your blood may clean my sins
But I still feel these scars

Why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe you
When I believe in you

Why do I ignore your voice
When you speak to me
Why do I feel alone
When I feel your touch

And just why can't I lean on you
When I know you'd catch me
Or close my eyes
To hide the truth of what I see

Why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe you
When I believe in you

I know you bared the cross
So I don't have to bare my own
Yet I pretend
That you aren't a caring God

I feel this weight
On my shoulders
It's a burden
As large as the world

So why don't I trust you
When I know you love me
Why don't I believe
When I believe in you

Why can't I give you
My worldly worries
Why can't I release
My chains and bonds

Why do I feel weak
When you hold me up
Oh God how can I have David's strength...
When my Goliath is me?

Why don't I trust you
... when you trust me?

[canterrain]

Another poem. This is in my mind and I'm going to let it flow. So again, this will be a first version and I'll probably post another version with changes and so forth. Please feel free to give advice.

Forgotten

I sat in a crowd.
Today.

And I wasn't. Even there.
Though everyone talked and loved.
Not one saw me.
And even if I yelled,
no one would care.

I stand alone among the many.
Unnoticed by all in this life.

I don't even know how to speak
with you. Or make myself known.

And I can't explain,
just why. I don't exist.
It's like. I'm not alive.

And though I stand here before you.
I am invisible. I'm just unseen.

And I could cry out,
but there'd be no reply.
And I could reach for you,
but you wouldn't feel me.

I'm not alive.

I'm the tree in the woods,
the one that dies without a sound.
Whether someone was there,
I don't exist to them. I'm not around.

And I can wait, in Times Square.
So lost, in despair.
And all the crowds would go by,
without a care.

Why can't I make you hear me,
Why can't I make you see me,
and why can't I make you feel me,

I'm here!

... alone... in the crowd.

[Strange Ian]

Sometimes, you just have a way of writing things that makes my guts go "whimper..."
Such an awful feeling, and I've been there.

[BarbJacobs]

Very moving poem- I know that feeling too. I think everyone does. Which is really weird when you think about a crowd of people who are all alone...

~B

[canterrain]

Still working on finishing the last one.

Thank you for your comments Ian and Barb. I write... because it's important to me that I know and that others know that someone else has felt these feelings too. If that makes sense.

This is inspired by something a friend is going through.

Distance

From a distance.
I watch you fade.
From a distance,
I see you become the haze.

And I wonder.
How we came to be.
So far apart.
So much between you and me.
Though when walking,
we could meet in a minute.
But between our hearts...
there's nothing but distance.

We used to be so close.
When did we drift apart?
We used to speak as one.
So why can't we talk?

From a distance,
I watch you fade.
From a distance,
I see you become a haze.
And it hurts.
To have come this far.
To only realize,
Our paths are not one.

So now I yell,
Why must I ask why...

From a distance.

[canterrain]

Little girl

I remember,
just a moment in time ago,
no more than a tear drop's length,

when you first cried.
when you first breathed.

I remember. The first time,

I saw you smile.
I saw you step.
Your first daddy hug.

And time goes by.
The tear drop dries.
And suns rise,
and -years- fly.

I remember.
When I saw you.
With more than just pictures.
In person.

Smiling.
Laughing.
Skipping.

And now all I have.
Is frozen moments.
Captured, but not real or free.

God what I would give,
if you'd bring her to me.
To hear I love you,
My daddy.
For just one more hug.
A kiss or three.

Because I remember.
When I was... daddy.

[canterrain]

This.. was somewhat inspired by reading about a 13 year old suicide today. My thoughts on if.. anyone was even there for her at the end. It needs work still.

Please

Don't do this,
cried the crack voice.
You have a life.
Have a choice.

The sun will rise,
and come the dawn.
The bad will die.
Choose not the rope,
but to go on.

So much more exists,
than the tears.
You will find bliss
across the broken bridge of fear.
There is peace, I promise this.

Don't do this.

I know it hurt,
but choose to live!
Though you crawl...
it is the struggle
that makes us fit.

Please I beg
don't feel alone.
I am here.
To hold your hand,
or speak on the phone.

Let me hold you,
Melt it all away.
I never left,
I was in the past.
in tomorrow.
and today.

Don't do this.

[Silvara_Dragontear]

That was a great piece of writing...It is sad that todays kids don't have the trust in adults that they can ask for help when they are hurt or just sick of the world.

[canterrain]

Yes, yes it is sad. A sad world we live in, in general. Still working on this next poem some. But I'm never happy.. never feel finished.

God's Gaze

You can see me
And know me
through and through

You know my heart
All it's inner truths

So if I may
I will ask
Since You see the future
And the past

Who am I?
That You speak to me
Who am I?
That You'd even love me

Don't You know
Just how bad I am
Don't You see
The evils of this man

Who am I?
That you'd die for me
Not a friend
At least not from my own deeds

Who am I?

And who are you?
That You'd wash the sin in me
How can you love
Something so vile as me

Why would you touch
Such a green and sickly heart
Is this what they call
Unconditional love

Who am I?
To receive
What You are?

Who am I?
I am chief of Sin
Who are You?
That You still welcome me in...

[canterrain]

I am the Truth


I am the Truth.
I am the Light.
And I hold my arms spread wide.
Hoping that you
Will run inside.
I'd keep then nailed here for all time.

That's why I traded
My Crown of Gold.
For this painful
Crown of Thorns.

I told the Truth.
When I said a true friend
Would lay down his life in the end.
And so I showed
I am your friend
When I let humans send me to my death.

I am the Truth.
I am the Light.
I am the one who can heal and mend.

But most of all
I want you, my friend
I'd do it all again.

I'd wear the Crown of Thorns.
Watch my clothes be torn
Nail my hands, all for
You. All for,
You.

You are not alone

[Aerin]

WOW!!! Awesome stuff, you really have a powerful and unique way of writing! Wow.